“Should I be upset about my bf’s behaviour?”

Hello. Last night my(17F) boyfriend(19M) of three months told me that he basically visited some of my guy friends’ facebook profiles and browsed through their photos specifically to see if they have any likes from me. He said he was simply curious but it upset me because I don’t think it’s just curiosity and I felt, in a way, stalked. He’s also very jealous of any interactions I have with my very few guy friends.

When I confronted him about it he started accusing me, saying “you act all hurt because there’s something you’re hiding from me”. I don’t hide anything and i think i like maybe 4 or 5 pics posted by guys over the past months.

What reaction should I have to what he did? He asked me “it upset you? What are you going to do? Break up with me?”

I’m going to guess that trust is a big deal for you. You like to feel trusted, you like to know that you can trust others, and in some ways trust is the basis of your relationships.

Of course, everyone likes to trust and be trusted, but for you it is a bedrock of how two people can be together.

This may come as a surprise, but not everyone is like that. It sounds as though your boyfriend doesn’t value it as highly. That’s not to say he’s untrustworthy, just that it isn’t an absolute for him. He might have bigger values around curiosity. (In which case he’s as likely to be hurt if you fail to ask him questions about his day.)

So when he goes looking at Facebook pages he might simply be curious, perhaps a little jealous, which is totally normal. What he’s not feeling is any uneasiness that this tiny lack of trust he’s feeling about you is in any way damaging to your relationship.

Like I say, I don’t know you. But it is possible that the two of you just don’t share the value of trust as strongly as you feel it. And that’s normal too.


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