“Is it normal to feel a little uncertain at the beginning of a relationship?”

After a couple of dates having a fantastic time and knowing each other somewhat deeply, is it normal to feel uncertain about where your relationship is headed, especially when you’re not with her?

I feel uncertain whenever I expect a phone call or a text message, but don’t receive any. I feel uncertain about whether she wants me, simply because she isn’t spending as much time with me as I’d want. But when I try hard and look at it logically, I feel that she is putting in just as much effort as I am, if not more.

My question isn’t whether she likes me or not. My question is, is it normal to feel this way at the start of any relationship? Or, is the fact that I’m having these feelings, a red flag?

The easy answer is “yes” (and there’s a harder answer too, in a minute).

Were built to protect the things we care about: relationships, kids, jobs, food, etc. and part of protecting something is considering the things that could go wrong. That way we can be prepared if it happens. So there’s a part of us that flags up the things we want to hold onto, and thinks about the ways that it could disappear. And that’s called worrying.

So yes, it’s perfectly normal to worry about losing something that matters to you.

And the harder answer is… Perhaps what this concern is also telling you is that you aren’t getting the validation of the relationship you need. Asking “do you love me” too many times gets needy, and that throws up a totally different type of worry.

So maybe this worry is also telling you to lean into the relationship more. Be more you. Risk more by being more vulnerable. Show more of who you are. Use this relationship to share more of who you really are, and what really matters to you.

And as the relationship persists, and you get to show more of yourself, you’ll likely feel more accepted as you, fully and authentically, and the worries about the relationship will be replaced with a joy of expressing yourself fully in a relationship.


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